My Final Word on Singles. Now, Let's Eat!

Here it is. Finally. The short and sweet version of what I have learned about KC Singles. The post your short attention span has been waiting for! 

Over the last two years I spent a substantial amount of time pondering the life of KC Singles. I blogged about what I learned in a single conversation with a handful of them. I read countless articles, surveys, and advise columns. I have talked and talked and talked to anyone that would engage me on this topic. 



In the process I have become increasingly certain about the following Truths:

As Promised: My Brave Interviewees

Many, many thanks to everyone who shared their story with me in 2014.
If this group is any indicator KC Singles are quite the dynamic group!

The Wild Ride (W19)

We met for beers on the patio at McCoy's. One of my favorite KC spots for sure! Conversation came easily as we covered online dating, the surprises that accompany moving away from home, settling into a  new job/career, and growing a network of friends in a new city.

My biggest success in memory is completing my first year of teaching and surviving in KC alone. 

Let me just say that she makes surviving look good! She lives Downtown. She is poolside at the Intercontinental in the Summer. She kicks it at happy hour or goes out dancing on the weekends. She frequents concerts and musicals or explores the city in her free time. Whether she is glammed up and heading out on the town or casual and cute headed to a Royals game she definitely knows how to have fun!

This Is The Best Time Now (W18)

Woman 18 (W18) was 41 at the time of the interview. She grew up in a military family and her immediate family currently lives in the KC metro. If you were (or are) an NKOTB fan you will love this little fun factoid! A friend of mine has been friends with Donnie Wahlberg for years. We have spent time with him on several occasions. For a while I dated one of the NKOTB bodyguards.

She has a lot to juggle right now. Based on our conversation she is in the midst of multiple changes. Her early 40's have found her enmeshed in professional and personal life changes. I asked her what is working best in her life right now and after a quick, knowing laugh, a scrunched facial gesture, and a swirl of her glass of wine she emphatically replied. I could almost see the laundry list of emotions and events scrolling behind her eyes.

Trying To Do What I Do. I'm Fearless (M17)

He described himself as a member of the Plus One Club. I had never heard anyone use that term before but it is a great description of life as a single professional. Having a group of single friends to attend networking, charitable and social events with is a must. We discussed the ups and downs, ins and outs, and all around of being an adult single.

Man 17 (M17) is 42 years old. I know this is cliché but…40-something is clearly not what it used to be.

I am often shocked to find out someone is in their 40's. I tend to assume people are younger than they actually are. As I have met more and more people I realize that we all really are just as young as we feel.

We met at his studio and chatted about his art, work, and hobbies. Over the course of the evening we had cocktails and appetizers and I suspect we may have solved many of the world's problems.

Experiencing New Things (M16)

Amazing how people can be so much alike, yet so different. Trite, I know.

We met over lunch for the interview. The kind of lunch that ends up taking two hours and two beers before anyone is ready to head back to work. He was talkative and funny when we started out. I don't think he knew what was coming. But, as we got into the conversation he became more introspective and was honest to a point that may have surprised him even more than me. 

Man 16 (M16) is 27. He grew up in a small Missouri town. He attended college in a slightly larger MO town where he lived and worked for a total of eight years. Then, not so long ago, he landed a job in Kansas City and relocated anticipating he would stay here for the foreseeable future. 

He told me he had a romantic relationship in college that ultimately fizzled out. When he first arrived in KC he met "a few girls" but went on to explain that has tapered off now.

On To New Adventures (M15)

Things happen for a reason. There is no coincidence.

Man 15 (M15) recently moved to the Kansas City Metro seeking new scenery, adventure, and ambitious, energetic people to add to his ever growing network.

He spends his time actively growing relationships and building that network of people all around him. He purposefully surrounds himself with people of all ages.  He explained that no one should ever be judged by their age. At 65 years old he described some of his closest friends to me including people from several generations. 

He dedicates a good amount of time as a Fraternity Advisor. Additionally, he advises [college] students who are campaigning for office. He feels powerful when he has influence on a situation. Over the course of our interview I gathered that he also has a lot of fun in his work. Among some of the fun stories he told me was one about being initiated into a fraternity at 64 years old and also a recent bachelor party invite he received. (No, he didn't go. But, that could have a been a great story!)

Figure It Out (W17)

Woman 17 (W17) has been a professional acquaintance of mine for years. I had occasion to ran into her at networking events but our interaction never progressed beyond light, social communication. She has always been someone I respected and hoped to get to know better. I guess you could call it charisma. She just has that thing!

We met over happy hour at La Bodega and enjoyed some sangria (of course), tapas, and people watching on the Boulevard. Turns out she is as interesting, insightful, and charismatic as I anticipated. 

What works best in my life right now is family. I have two kids and three grand-kids. I’m not sure it could get any better. I have a really good relationship with my kids. 

My best moment in memory is moving to Kansas City 20 years ago when I got married. Three weeks later - mid September -  I saw wild flowers on the highway and realized it would be okay. I go back to that day every fall when I see those.

The Unknown (M14)

Right now, I am focused on taking care of myself - health, food, choices. 

What I think is most misunderstood about being a single man is that it is not always arrived at by choice.

Man 14 (M14) is 33 years old. Not long ago he moved back to Kansas City for a relationship. An, at times long distance relationship he had been in for six years. That relationship came to an end for, in my opinion, what amounts to a very honest reason.

They were in different places.
They saw the path forward differently.
Ultimately, the choice was made to be honest with themselves and each other. 
They admitted that they did not want the same thing at the same time and maybe they never would.

So often couples can't see the relationship forest for the trees. Not the case here. I'm sure it was a difficult decision. Kudos to them for coming to terms with where they were at.

Me - My Time (W16)

I chose to be single so I could focus on raising my kid. I tried dating and it just didn't work.

Woman 16 (W16) is 48 years old. Over the last year her daughter graduated from high school, she changed jobs, is contemplating moving a new home, and is thinking of trying out online dating.

I anticipated some conversation about empty nest syndrome or major realizations about life as a single, adult woman. That is not what I got. Even though she was focused on raising her daughter and making a living she found plenty of time for self discovery. She is not unclear about who she is or what she wants. She was honest and contemplative while we talked. She didn't have all of the answers. People are rarely so honest and open about not knowing what is coming next in life.

People misunderstand what it's like to be a single mom. It changes your perspective on things. I had to work a lot. I like what I do and it was my primary social outlet for a long time.  When I lost my Dad to cancer I went to work. It kept me from being alone. My work saved my life.

If You Don't Ask The Answer Is Always No (M13)

People misunderstand that being single is not about sleeping around.

Apparently not all single guys are players. Go figure! This guy is focused on his career. He wants to date. However, he is looking for someone who is also career driven, family oriented, and self-sufficient. If you have been single for six months or more you may be able to relate to what a tall order that seems be at times.

At 31 years old Man 13 (M13) is excited about where his life is going. As he should be! He is accomplished, well respected, and has incredible social and professional circles. And, interesting! I actually had to interview him twice. The first time I got so caught up in his professional accomplishments that I didn’t get enough personal info to write a blog post about him.

Sorry! Imagine how awkward I felt emailing him again to ask for two more drinks.