Man 17 (M17) is 42 years old. I know this is cliché but…40-something is clearly not what it used to be.
I am often shocked to find out someone is in their 40's. I tend to assume people are younger than they actually are. As I have met more and more people I realize that we all really are just as young as we feel.
We met at his studio and chatted about his art, work, and hobbies. Over the course of the evening we had cocktails and appetizers and I suspect we may have solved many of the world's problems.
(If you know me you might like this) We had been talking for a few hours and he paused to offer me a bite to eat. I asked him to repeat what he said a few times because I wasn’t sure I understood what he was offering me. Once I thought I understood I laughed and replied, "um, sure, it's been a long time since anyone offered me "cheese crackers". I thought he was offering me Cheez-its -- which is weird but I didn’t want to be rude so I accepted. His response was something like, "No, not Cheez-Its! Cheese AND crackers. Hors d'oeuvres. I am asking you if you want an appetizer. I would never offer someone Cheez-Its!" You can all imagine how relieved I was. (Now, back to the interview)
When I asked what he does to relax he replied, I feel relaxed. My life is relaxed. He explained that for a good time he invites people over and entertains in his home. His favorite music venue in KC is The Green Lady Lounge. He enjoys listening to NPR, or watching PBS and Ted Talks. He also plays guitar, congas, bass, and the keyboard.
We talked a bit about his family. His father passed away a few years ago. He told me that his mother played classical music for him as a child. He likes all kinds of music but credits her for his appreciation and knowledge of classical music.
He told me he feels powerful when he lands a new client. I can tell you, from observation, he feels powerful in his own space. He showed me some of his photography and played some of his favorite songs.
We talked a lot about emotional intelligence. I asked him what is working best in his life right now and that [emotional intelligence] was his immediate answer. He explained it as the difference between attraction and desire. For him it is about exploring and knowing what he really wants.
He considers himself an Equalist. He described enjoying the company of women who are accomplished, liberated, and independent. He went on to explain it as being drawn to women who have found their freedom, are exploring life and discovering their power.
On women: Women get great at 45. (What woman doesn’t want to hear that?!?)
On himself: Enjoy the experience of me. I am a pleasant experience. I bring new/first experiences.
Finally, I asked him to complete this sentence: M17 is…a damn good time.
What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Tough love / self-confident / artistic
What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
I went dancing at Touché after a Gala event.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
I'm fearless.
Where would you take me in KC for a day of fun?
Breakfast at the house. Go for a bike ride. See a show at the Kauffman. Salsa dancing at night. Then town topic.
What event most shaped you over the last year?
(unanswered)
What is your favorite part of your life right now?
Spontaneity
What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
So much.
What do you know for sure?
I am going to die.
What is your mantra?
Ask and you shall receive.
What question do you most want to be asked?
What do you really think? - be genuine with me. - be real.
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Demand more
Your census data is: Single/ No kids / Never married
Who are you really? Single/ Cultured / Driven
So, what did I take away from this interview?
He was all over the place while we talked. Literally. He walked around, danced around, picked things up, changed seats. It was constant. We covered various topics and had a really interesting discussion. But, because there was so much going on, verbally and otherwise, it was hard to pull anything lasting out of the conversation. I really had to think about it and re-read my notes several times to get down to the heart of our discussion.
He was full of energy as was his home. I would liken the time I spent with him to watching an avalanche. While the experience is incredible it was overwhelming. It took a bit of time to recover from the shock before I was really able to mull over and appreciate the insights he shared with me.
When we feel that initial spark of connection, on whatever level it may occur, it is so exciting that we try to share our entire story in one fell swoop. We can become almost frantic.
I have to wonder if the likelihood of this initial excitement is higher for those of us who live alone. Are we more excited by those connections? Does the infrequency of stumbling into an exciting conversation bring on that avalanche? What is the urgency to share?
I think my take away's were more questions than answers. I am okay with that. It's a good thing.
How did he shape me?
He was passionate. I have a tendency to be restrained and scripted. Our conversation encouraged me to be more candid and let my enthusiasm show. Even though there are several things I am passionate about I am not historically quick to share those things outside of a small circle of people.
That stands out more than anything else. It is simple but so important. The world needs more passion. There is no such thing as too much joy. So, why am I so restrained? I think it's because I don't want to be disappointed. But, in my effort to guard myself from disappointment I also guard myself from thrills, breakthroughs, bliss, joy, enlightenment, and new discoveries.
It would seem there is a better payoff in a life lived passionately.
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