hovered around zero, we sat in the festive dining room holding beers in one hand and delicious tacos in the other pretending we were chatting it up beachfront.
My favorite part of the interview was when he told me that he feels most powerful when he pulls into his garage at the end of the day. He said, "It's my domain. I worked for it, it's my place and it represents accomplishing my goals. It doesn't matter the size of the garage. It matters that it's all mine."Wait. I lied. My favorite part was when he said that his favorite part of life right now is watching his kids become adults. He enjoys his kids, ages 17 and 20. I love when I hear parents say they enjoy their teenage kids. Being a teen is tough, and there are few things that teens need more than their parents attention and affection. Yep, that's my favorite part.
M1 likes to play golf or lift weights when he needs to kick back. He was very clear that he hates cardio, so don't go looking for him in treadmill row. When reading a book at night he knows it's time to stop when his eyes close. The same plan works for knowing when to turn off the TV. His favorite KC music venue is the Midland Theatre. He has seen quite a few concerts there but called out Shine Down as his favorite.
When asked what is working best in his life right now he said he is finally completing some upgrades on his home. Who wouldn't feel good about that? While he doesn't particularly enjoy home improvement projects he is looking forward to enjoying the finished product. His dad is helping out on weekends so sounds like some quality dude time to me.
He told me that as a kid his dad was the person that taught him about kindness and giving. He said his dad is the kind of guy that would stop and fix your flat tire on the side of the road. Now in retirement, his dad enjoys spending time helping family members out. M1 said he truly enjoys helping others. He recently helped a friend move out of a 3rd floor apartment. (Who does that?) When it snows he clears his own driveway and then clears the neighbors. That's right, neighbors. Plural.
Turns out his childhood was filled with great life lessons. He grew up in a small town in the South. He said he has always been aware and appreciative of diversity. He grew up in the Catholic Church and did some time as an Altar Boy. As an adult he left Catholicism and currently attends a Methodist Church.
We had a lively discussion about modern day ministers who wear Converse and jeans, reviewed the pros and cons of hymns vs. contemporary Christian music in church services, and talked about the value of a well-delivered sermon.
Currently 41, M1 describes himself as not being rigid in his beliefs. He is fascinated with people and culture. He doesn't let anything (belief system or otherwise) limit him from doing what he wants. He explained that he has seen a lot of life and keeps an open mind.
What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Loyal / Smart / Fun
What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
Watch my favorite football team, Florida State Seminoles, win the National Championship.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
Move. To a place of my choice. Somewhere warmer. Not dictated by family responsibilities.
(He went on to explain that we often find ourselves living in a particular area to be near family. Our location is based on what is best for others. While he loves his family and is happy to be near them he recognizes that it's hard to relocate even when the family needs are no longer there. To choose your geography based on personal choice is harder than making a choice in order to meet the needs of people you love.)
(He went on to explain that we often find ourselves living in a particular area to be near family. Our location is based on what is best for others. While he loves his family and is happy to be near them he recognizes that it's hard to relocate even when the family needs are no longer there. To choose your geography based on personal choice is harder than making a choice in order to meet the needs of people you love.)
Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?
We would go to Oceans of Fun. You know they have a swim up bar! Then we would go to the Royals game with tailgating, of course.
What event most shaped you over the last year?
Leaving my job of 14 years.
What is your favorite part of your life right now?
Seeing my kids grow up. My son is in high school and my daughter turns 20 tomorrow.
What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
I'm missing part of my finger.
What do you know for sure?
Tomorrow is a new day.
What is your mantra?
It is what it is
What question do you want to be asked?
Why aren't you a teacher?
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in two words?
Slow down
Your census data is: Single / 2 Kids / Divorced
But, who are you really? Single / Confident / Genuine
So, what did I take away from this interview?
When asked what made him decide to meet with me, he said, "I love your transparency when we have dialogue. I feel like I have known you for a long time." How nice is that!?! I guess some people find rambling chatter to be charming. Who knew?
My resounding thought after the interview, as with the others I have done, was that people are really nice. I don't say that to be flip. I am tremendously moved by how kind people really are at their core.
If we don't see that kindness it's because we aren't looking for it. It doesn't draw the lens of prime time news but simple generosity is everywhere and it strikes me as profound. He is very kind and seeks out ways to support and help friends and family. I suspect he helps out strangers too...just a little hunch I have.
When we got into the interview I learned that he also knows how to have a good time. I mean is there anyone at the swim up bar at Oceans of Fun that isn't fun at a party? I think not!
How did he shape me?
This is easy.
Boys who were raised by a father who demonstrates love and kindness grow up to be loving and kind men. They then become fathers who are loving and kind. They spend time in their own children's lives and that cycle continues.
Lots of men love sports, enjoy weight lifting and playing golf, or endeavor to find the world's best craft beers and BBQ. All of those things can be fun and a great way to kick back with friends. But what endears us to someone is their kindness, their charisma, their uniqueness.
M1 is quick to smile, share a laugh and just enjoy himself. These are not gifts that everyone possesses. A lot of things shape a person by the time they reach 41. M1 has made choices. Among them he has chosen to show up for his family and his friends. He chooses to smile.
Addendum (21 hours later):
The goal of A Single Conversation is to explore limiting thoughts surrounding relationship status. I reread this post when I got up this morning. I wasn't totally happy with it when I put it up but couldn't figure out why. So, here I go.
Being a father does not make someone a good man. A good man can become a father. In other words I think I put the cart before the horse. I don't always have the right words to express my thoughts.
My point is that M1 is a person of integrity and high character, but that is not a result of being a father. In my original post I was overly focused on his role as a father even though that is only one aspect of his story.
I believe that we are all impacted by life events. We all make choices and live with the consequences; good or bad. We all have relationships and roles. (i.e. M1 is a son, father, friend, neighbor, single, etc) Life throws us curveballs and we react. M1 has integrity, character, and charisma. Everyone he interacts with can be touched by that. Yes, raising kids has surely shaped him but he is much more than a father. He impacts many more lives than just his two kids.
Subpoint: Being a parent is not a virtue. Living your life out of love, kindness, and gratitude is.
What do you know for sure?
Tomorrow is a new day.
What is your mantra?
It is what it is
What question do you want to be asked?
Why aren't you a teacher?
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in two words?
Slow down
Your census data is: Single / 2 Kids / Divorced
But, who are you really? Single / Confident / Genuine
So, what did I take away from this interview?
When asked what made him decide to meet with me, he said, "I love your transparency when we have dialogue. I feel like I have known you for a long time." How nice is that!?! I guess some people find rambling chatter to be charming. Who knew?
My resounding thought after the interview, as with the others I have done, was that people are really nice. I don't say that to be flip. I am tremendously moved by how kind people really are at their core.
If we don't see that kindness it's because we aren't looking for it. It doesn't draw the lens of prime time news but simple generosity is everywhere and it strikes me as profound. He is very kind and seeks out ways to support and help friends and family. I suspect he helps out strangers too...just a little hunch I have.
When we got into the interview I learned that he also knows how to have a good time. I mean is there anyone at the swim up bar at Oceans of Fun that isn't fun at a party? I think not!
How did he shape me?
This is easy.
Boys who were raised by a father who demonstrates love and kindness grow up to be loving and kind men. They then become fathers who are loving and kind. They spend time in their own children's lives and that cycle continues.
Lots of men love sports, enjoy weight lifting and playing golf, or endeavor to find the world's best craft beers and BBQ. All of those things can be fun and a great way to kick back with friends. But what endears us to someone is their kindness, their charisma, their uniqueness.
M1 is quick to smile, share a laugh and just enjoy himself. These are not gifts that everyone possesses. A lot of things shape a person by the time they reach 41. M1 has made choices. Among them he has chosen to show up for his family and his friends. He chooses to smile.
Addendum (21 hours later):
The goal of A Single Conversation is to explore limiting thoughts surrounding relationship status. I reread this post when I got up this morning. I wasn't totally happy with it when I put it up but couldn't figure out why. So, here I go.
Being a father does not make someone a good man. A good man can become a father. In other words I think I put the cart before the horse. I don't always have the right words to express my thoughts.
My point is that M1 is a person of integrity and high character, but that is not a result of being a father. In my original post I was overly focused on his role as a father even though that is only one aspect of his story.
I believe that we are all impacted by life events. We all make choices and live with the consequences; good or bad. We all have relationships and roles. (i.e. M1 is a son, father, friend, neighbor, single, etc) Life throws us curveballs and we react. M1 has integrity, character, and charisma. Everyone he interacts with can be touched by that. Yes, raising kids has surely shaped him but he is much more than a father. He impacts many more lives than just his two kids.
Subpoint: Being a parent is not a virtue. Living your life out of love, kindness, and gratitude is.
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