She has a lot to juggle right now. Based on our conversation she is in the midst of multiple changes. Her early 40's have found her enmeshed in professional and personal life changes. I asked her what is working best in her life right now and after a quick, knowing laugh, a scrunched facial gesture, and a swirl of her glass of wine she emphatically replied. I could almost see the laundry list of emotions and events scrolling behind her eyes.
What is working best? Nothing?!? This is the most unsettled time in my life. I'm in transition and looking for my niche. I am looking for a relationship. I am not unhappy. I'm healthy and happy. I have faith.
I asked her to recall the best moment in memory:
When I was nine years old my parents surprised all four of us kids with a bicycle even though they could not afford it.
She was not very comfortable with using the word powerful. She said she feels confident. People come to me for help. She went on to explain that she feels confident when people rely on her.
I feel that way when I have knowledge about something.
When I know myself.
When I don't question myself.
When I am firm and stand up for myself.
W18 watches movies or reads when she needs to relax. For fun she calls a friend to chat. Her favorite KC music venue is the Sprint Center as long as she has good seats. For a more intimate setting she likes the Midland. She recalled seeing Harry Connick, Jr. there from front row seats remaking at how pretty the venue is.
We talked a lot about common misunderstandings about being a single woman. She explained that people tend to assume that she has everything pulled together and doesn't need help. She went on to explain that her ability to handle things does not translate into not wanting help. In other words just because she can handle things doesn't mean that she always wants to or that she should have to.
She went on to share some interesting reflections on her past relationships.
I have learned that in a relationship you can hint at things but it has to be the guy that initiates things. Finding balance when she is in a relationship is key for her. She explained that, at times, she felt she took the lead in relationships and her partner seemed to become disinterested or maybe just less enthusiastic about the relationship.
I don’t want to be seen as a sex object. I am guessing that a lot of women can appreciate this one. She wants to have a passionate relationship. However, she has found that some men are only able to view her as a sex object versus a partner. There is a difference between being seen as sexy or sexual and being viewed as a sex object. (I won't unpack this one any further but I did hear a similar sentiment in other interviews.)
What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Reliable/ Fun / Best person
What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
Justin Timberlake concert with my best friend.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
Say whatever I wanted with no fear.
Where would you take me in KC for a day of fun?
Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun.
What event most shaped you over the last year?
I regretted not speaking my mind - saying I love you - and I said it.
What is your favorite part of your life right now?
I don’t answer to anyone.
What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?
My closets are a mess. Everything else in my house is picked up.
What do you know for sure?
I'm a Christian. I am looking to meet a Christian. I want kids.
What is your mantra?
Life is short - go for it.
I don't have one that is official. I have lots of things that speak to me.
What question do you most want to be asked?
What can I help you with? (everyone relies on me)
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Do it
Your census data is:Single/ No kids / Never married
Who are you really? Single/ Sexy/ Classy
So, what did I take away from this interview?
What sticks with me most was how she defined herself.
Single. Sexy. Classy.
Throughout the interview she made statements about herself that demonstrated her ability to see herself as multifaceted. She is a professional, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, a nurturer, an explorer, and so many other things. She is aware that she possess many great qualities and she is confident that she brings value to the lives of those that surround her.
She was humble. She knows that she does not have all the answers. She said, "I don't know."
She was conscious. She knows that she is not unhappy but that she desires things in life that she does not have currently. Her ability to see her life realistically seemed to give her a great vantage point on what is possible for her. She is open to that possibility and seemingly alert enough to recognize it when the shows up.
Sexy and classy. Try that combination on. It may require a bit of a mental leap. I might suggest that the mystery and intrigue of a woman is found within that combination.
How did she shape me?
I was struck by her sincerity. From the moment we started talking I felt she was being completely authentic. There was no stonewall or bitterness that had to be overcome.
I was moved by her honesty. Pleasantly surprised by her point of view. In our conversation her confidence and self awareness were evident. She was smiling and at ease with herself.
She was able to thoughtfully look back over her life and identify ways she has changed. More importantly she can look back and identify people she loved, ways she has grown, and lesson she has learned.
She did not anticipate she would be single at this time in her life but she does not point her finger at brokenness. She was open about the fact that she hopes for a relationship and remains curious to see what the future will bring.
She shaped me most in the way in which she remained quite simply herself while telling me about her life. Through ups and downs, relationships, wins and losses she has preserved her identity. She knows who she is.
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