The Unknown (M14)

Right now, I am focused on taking care of myself - health, food, choices. 

What I think is most misunderstood about being a single man is that it is not always arrived at by choice.

Man 14 (M14) is 33 years old. Not long ago he moved back to Kansas City for a relationship. An, at times long distance relationship he had been in for six years. That relationship came to an end for, in my opinion, what amounts to a very honest reason.

They were in different places.
They saw the path forward differently.
Ultimately, the choice was made to be honest with themselves and each other. 
They admitted that they did not want the same thing at the same time and maybe they never would.

So often couples can't see the relationship forest for the trees. Not the case here. I'm sure it was a difficult decision. Kudos to them for coming to terms with where they were at.


We sat outside, day drinking, and had a solid conversation about breakups. About how break ups shock you, wake you up, and make you look at your life through a different lens.  We discussed family and friends reactions to breakups and all that comes with that. That conversation evolved into a discussion about him, who he is, and where he wants his life to go now.

He is in his first job post grad school and still evaluating his options of where to live and which way to go with his career. He is in the extremely fortunate position of knowing he has options as well as plenty of time to make decisions. 

He described a great relationship with his parents. Both are accomplished professionals, dedicated to one another and very involved in his life growing up. He is an only child. They were focused on his success and able to support him in his goals academically and athletically.

My best moment in memory was a night with my parents. I was driving and they were trying to decide where I should park the car. It just reminded me of being home. My best memories are with them.

My favorite music venue in Kansas City is Starlight. My favorite concert was my first Concert (wait for it) MC Hammer. (hell yes!) My dad took me to that one. My favorite concert as an adult is U2.

Athletics are a big part of his life. He has been a lifelong athlete and he played tennis in college.

I feel powerful when I am being active; playing sports. I have a sense of confidence and awareness of my body. Sports are what I know and will serve me for a lifetime.

Some of the things I enjoy most are golf, hanging out with friends, and spending time with my parents. I enjoy a good drink and going to the movies. I also like listening to NPR, reading non-fiction and magazines like Time.


What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Considerate / Focused / Reliable                              

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
I went to a Chiefs game with friends. We partied all day. Just a great day with no cares.

What would you do if you were not afraid?
Quit my job to start a non-profit.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?
Breakfast at First Watch around 7am. Then play 9 holes of golf at Swope Park. Follow that up by hosting  tennis clinic at the courts in Swope Park. When that is done we will be hungry. Lunch at Gates at Linwood and Main. We can walk through the American Jazz Museum and then see a matinee at the Plaza movie theatre. After the movie lets take a drive out to House of Sushi in Leawood for a quick bite and a few beers. We can take a drive back Downtown for dinner at Anton's. I will have the fish special or a steak. Finally, finish up the night at The Majestic listening to jazz at the main floor bar.

What event most shaped you over the last year?
Moving back to Kansas City for a relationship.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?
Freedom - I do whatever I want.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
That I don't really consider them friends.

What do you know for sure?
My parents would do anything for me. They are the only people who put my interests above theirs.

What is your mantra?
Be honest with yourself.

What question do you want to be asked? 
What does the world need less of?

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Have fun.

Your census data is: Single/ No kids / Never married

Who are you really?
Single / Sincere / Curious


So, what did I take away from this interview?
I left this interview wondering if it is fundamentally more challenging for two independent, ambitious people to maintain a relationship. Relationships are unpredictable. Being a person who tends to lead with my head rather than my heart I recognize that dealing with the unknown can be tricky.

Romantic relationships are one of those things in life where the plan rarely goes as you think it will. It's foolish to think you could be so smart, so clever, or so organized that love won't catch you off guard. the only thing I am sure of is that it seems to never go as planned.

How did he shape me?
I was charmed by his curiosity about life. He is excited about what is possible. He just seemed to be letting it unfold.

I can take a lesson from his demeanor. At times I dwell in the past and recount how things have gone off track. This interview was a reminder to me to live and learn and then move on to the next thing.

He said several times how important it was to him to reach his goals while having fun along the way.

Agreed. Don't get caught up in being busy. Make sure it's fun. Whether it's your career or your personal life everything is more fulfilling when it's fun.

One of the great joys of being single is the ability to do whatever you want.
Change your mind whenever you want.
If things are broken then fix them.
Have as much fun as you can.