My Final Word on Singles. Now, Let's Eat!

Here it is. Finally. The short and sweet version of what I have learned about KC Singles. The post your short attention span has been waiting for! 

Over the last two years I spent a substantial amount of time pondering the life of KC Singles. I blogged about what I learned in a single conversation with a handful of them. I read countless articles, surveys, and advise columns. I have talked and talked and talked to anyone that would engage me on this topic. 



In the process I have become increasingly certain about the following Truths:

• You cannot meet or actually get to know anyone if all of your time is spent at home or at work or on the internet. If you want to deepen your current relationships, grow new friendships, or date someone new you simply must go out into the City.
• Real relationships are not possible without face-to-face interaction. Facebook is a fine way to check out the highlights of other peoples lives. LinkedIn is a fine way to see where people work. Online dating is a fine way to get introduced to someone new. None of these sites can or will provide a means to develop or sustain relationships.
• Connection is possible through authenticity. 
• There is no certainty in life so enjoy this day (even if it is a hard one). Life will deliver heart stopping surprises to your doorstep. Not any single one of us knows what the future will bring. We don't know how we will feel about it and we don't know what we will do once we catch our breath, stand up, and take the first step forward.
• Sometimes the beauty is in the struggle. People want to know your story. The events of your past have shaped you. No one said it would be easy.
• If you don't ask the answer is always no. Over the last two years people have repeatedly told me that they do not ask. They do not ask for anything. Jobs. Dates. Coffee. Excitement. Adventure. Honesty. Silence. More. Less.  
• Don't let the things you want make you forget the things you have. Singles have time and attention to spend on personal growth, travel, endeavors, and career development to an extent that is not likely possible when in a relationship. Think about it. 
• Being single does not make you different, broken, or lonely. Becoming single may happen by chance or by choice. Staying single is absolutely a choice. Relationship status does not alter your likelihood of obtaining happiness, joy, and fulfillment in life.
• Age fill in the blank is not what it used to be. (I wrote that in multiple interview notes) Age appears to have no actual bearing on quality of life.
• If you drop your agenda(s) and just talk to people you will meet someone new. You will make new friends. And, if you are open to it, you will find people that you would like to date.

Digging a little deeper-

Everyone understands the emotional experience of colliding with knowing you are loved, thought of, and important. These are feelings that stir us.  

So, why do we get lazy about finding and developing relationships?
As we move through life we spend less and less time with our parents, siblings, family members and childhood friends that likely constituted our closest relationships during our first 18 years of life. Over the course of our 20's our closest high school and/or college friends begin to be pulled away by jobs, marriage, children, hobbies, or caring for aging parents. 

Knowing that, it is imperative to continually cultivate new relationships. While the individual count may be different we all need friends to experience life with. 

Dating may have varying priority depending on where you are in life. Some interviewees felt great urgency to find someone to date, marry and have children with. Others stated they were "done with dating" and were focused elsewhere. Still others said they could take it or leave it and remained open to meeting someone special. 

Your chance of finding romance is much higher for singles who have a diverse group of friends and remain socially active. (thats obvious, right?)

Power. What does that word mean to you? 
How does it operate within the context of relationship?
I asked every interviewee to describe when they feel powerful and to illustrate specific instances of where that happens and in what context. They often didn't know how to answer it. Or, they didn't want to answer it. Or, they felt the word had a negative or arrogant connotation and did not want to feel powerful in a relationship. Several of them immediately responded that they never feel powerful.

Huh...I didn't see that one coming.

I discussed "power" with each person in an attempt to explain what I was looking for. In the context of this blog power is a good thing. I was looking for moments or environments when singles feel fully actualized. 

After all, it is finding our power (read: passion, purpose, talent, etc) that brings excitment and provides a sense of control over the direction of our life.

I have been encouraged by the people I met and the interesting facets of their lives. They were taking chances and living life in ways that I was not. I tried a lot of new things over the last two years: kayaking, dance lessons, saying "yes", reading for fun/entertainment, asked men out on dates, asked new acquaintances to coffee or cocktails, invested money, traveled with friends, talked to strangers, planned less, had more free-time, and I dated. That's right, for the first time in my life I gave dating an honest shot!

Doing all of this made me feel powerful. I still experienced nervous moments, I got rejected a few times, suffered disappointments, and made some wrong turns. More importantly I had a blast doing things I had never done before. 

Final Word-
It has been rewarding to see this chain link of amazing people unfolding all around me and to realize that the distance between each of us really is just one single conversation.

There is absolutely no substitute for face-to-face interaction. The nuances are lost in the write up. You just can't beat the real thing.  I am certain I do not have the words to adequately describe the people I met. One of my biggest realizations was that there is immense value in sharing your time with people. 

I am grateful that I challenged myself with this blog project. I am ecstatic that so many of you read it. (The blog has had more than 7,000 views to date.)

I could not have anticipated how the interviews and resulting side conversations would impact me. I am thrilled to see how many others share my curiosity.  I hope this blog will function to broken down some misconceptions about KC Singles.

Click here for details on: Initial Blog Goals (Jan 2014) and Final Outcomes (Dec 2015)

Click here for 2 words of advice: Sound advice from KC Singles

Need a Day of Fun? 
Click here for Day of Fun Suggestions

What are your wildest dreams? 
Click here to see Interviewee answers

Looking for a new hot spot? 
Want to try something new with friends?
Are you looking to meet other singles or a place to go with a date?
Click here to see what KC Singles named as favorite music, music venues, restaurants & bars

So, What's next for single conversation?

I have heard it said and believe it to be true that, "we only eat with people we like." Of course, when you cook for people you want it to be delicious. My challenge is that my cooking is inconsistent. Sometimes it is amazing. Sometimes it is not edible. Most of the time it is somewhere in the middle. 

I have much more flexible time than I have had for years. When I want to relax I cook. I love to stand in my kitchen and chop vegetables for roasting.  I love the smell of soup on the stove or bread in the oven. I love, love, love cookies and cake. 

So, I am going to spend 2016 cooking. Some new recipes, some old. I am going to share these recipes with you. Whether they function as day-to-day staples or something extraordinary to serve when you make a meal for the special people in your life I hope you enjoy it.

After all, there is no better way to enjoy the people in your life than having a meal with them!