Experiencing New Things (M16)

Amazing how people can be so much alike, yet so different. Trite, I know.

We met over lunch for the interview. The kind of lunch that ends up taking two hours and two beers before anyone is ready to head back to work. He was talkative and funny when we started out. I don't think he knew what was coming. But, as we got into the conversation he became more introspective and was honest to a point that may have surprised him even more than me. 

Man 16 (M16) is 27. He grew up in a small Missouri town. He attended college in a slightly larger MO town where he lived and worked for a total of eight years. Then, not so long ago, he landed a job in Kansas City and relocated anticipating he would stay here for the foreseeable future. 

He told me he had a romantic relationship in college that ultimately fizzled out. When he first arrived in KC he met "a few girls" but went on to explain that has tapered off now.

When I asked what makes him feel powerful he did not have anything specific he could point to. He explained that what works best in his life right now is work. He spends a lot of time there. "I work hard to avoid becoming a workaholic." 

I am in control of my life. I work out 4-5 times/week. I play 9 holes of golf alone to relax or I have dinner out somewhere, alone. My favorite music venue in KC is The Midland. Rockfest was interesting too.

Most misunderstood thing about being a single guy: I am not living a playboy lifestyle

He considers his relocation to KC to be his biggest success. "I got a job, relocating for the long term." 

That's it. So many single people are looking to establish themselves as capable and independent. I have several clear memories of doing things that gave me the sense that I had put a proverbial stake in the ground. The success of finding your own voice, your own thing, your own place in the world is exciting. Those moments are liberating in the most frightening way possible. 


What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Loyal/ reliable/ wild card

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
Trip to Denver with friends. We went to a Rockies game.

What would you do if you were not afraid?
Travel abroad. Tour Europe.

Where would you take me in KC for a day of fun?
Plaza Art Fair. I've never been. Then go bar hopping. Kellys, Blueline, and Harry's

What event most shaped you over the last year?
Job - I interviewed 5 times

A family friend was in a car accident and ended up in a coma. He is not the same guy now. He lost weight, has impaired speech and is helpless now. Life can change in a moment.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?
Independence. I come and go as I please.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
I'm not as crazy as they think. I am introverted.

What do you know for sure?
I know what I want but I want to experience tings. I am self-reliant, accomplished, and have pride.

What is your mantra?
Work hard. Play harder.

What question do you most want to be asked?
What bar are we going to tonight?
How is your life?

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Experience more

Your census data is:  Single/ never married / no kids

Who are you really?
Single/ open book / down to earth



So, what did I take away from this interview?

When you are single your initial adult statements of independence are likely things like taking a job in a different city, buying a house or your first new car, traveling alone, skipping out on a family holiday, changing your religion, or (say it's not so) updating your voter registration to "independent". 

From my midwestern experience being recognized as an adult by those around you is historically the consequence of establishing a serious relationship, followed by settling down, starting your career, and having children.

Since we all know (really, we know this, right?) that it is a rare exception for life's path to be a straight arrow it seems reasonable that we would stop holding our family and friends hostage with this fairy-tail  path for establishing ones adulthood. Right? Wrong!!

When you question yourself, your decisions, or your current mapdot be sure and stop for a gut check. Take a minute to remember the times when you felt like a big success. When did you start to take yourself seriously? When did you realize that you were, and would continue to, stand on your own two feet? 

Those are the moments. That is independence. When you started going after what you wanted at the expense of being on what other people want or expect your path to be. The moment you stopped asking for permission -- those are the moments.

How did he shape me?

After talking with him I thought a lot about my 20's. They seemed like a mess - not the fun kind. I felt like I had floundering around. I missed out on a lot of fun because I was so worried about figuring out what I was supposed to be doing. 

He reminded me that I had made a lot of big decisions that influenced the course of my life -- in a good way. I moved away from my family for the first time. I faced a major health drama. I made decisions that were totally different from the ones my friends were making and I did not ask them their opinion. 

Side note: all my true friends stuck along for the ride.