Finding Me (W1)

I met my first interviewee on Sunday night.

Woman 1 (W1) opened up by telling me that after several years of feeling "lost in a forest" she feels she has found her way to a path.

W1 has been reflecting on activities she enjoyed in her early 20's and trying to incorporate those things into her current routine. (Love that idea!) She has been baking and wants to take painting classes this year. She prefers listening to the radio over watching TV. She did say that a Criminal Minds marathon is one of the only reasons she might spend a day hanging out on the couch. When asked what is working in her life right now she said running.

Over the last few years she completed law school and started her own business. Her growing business is the part of her life where she feels things are working best.

When I asked who she is right now she said she isn't totally sure. She mentioned struggling with loneliness at times living and working alone. She explained that while she feels outwardly powerful (specifically at work) inwardly she is still working on it. Her intense drive occasionally meets its match in her nagging sense of anxiety.

She does want to find love, marriage, and parenting in her future. She is open to adoption, even as a single parent, if that is what life brings. She seemed realistic about not knowing what the future holds and open to embracing her home life however it develops. She described strong family relationships and friendships. She is confident that with or without a significant other or spouse she will succeed and her life will be full.

One of her favorite quick getaways is going to the movies, alone. She puts her feet up and laughs out loud with no fear of being judged. No hand holding. No one talking in her ear.

Turns out she is one of those lucky people who falls asleep within five minutes of her head hitting the pillow so she doesn't read at night. W1 never stops reading a book mid chapter. Usually, she knows it’s time to put it down when she finds herself reading the same sentence over and over. She knows it’s time to put it down when she finds herself reading the same sentence over and over. <jk>

Her favorite KC music venues include the Green Lady Lounge, The Majestic, and The Phoenix. It all boiled down to loving live jazz. (A woman after my own heart!)

What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Smart / loving / driven

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

 I signed my name to demand letters [that I drafted on behalf of clients]. 

What would you do if you were not afraid?

I'm not afraid. If things don't work out as planned I can change them.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?

Our day will be 75 degrees and gorgeous. We will have brunch on a patio. We will go for a walk at Loose Park and then go to a street fair or walk down 39th Street and window shop. We can stop and have lunch on a patio we happen by. Finally, if we are in the mood we will get mani/pedi's. 

I just want us to be totally disconnected from everyday life, relax, and enjoy being outside.

What event most shaped you over the last year?

I passed the Missouri Bar Exam. I missed by two questions on my first attempt and then passed with flying colors the second time. It was the final step in attaining a long term goal.

The event I am most thankful for is my niece's first birthday. She suffered a severe injury as an infant and was in the ICU for a time. There are still struggles but turning one was a big victory.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

Realizing my dream. I finished law school, passed the Bar in Kansas and Missouri, and now I own my own business.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

I am terrified of failing. I spend half of my day feeling terrified (about work, about clients, about life goals, about maybe never having kids, and on and on). Regardless of how much I prepare I worry.

What do you know for sure? 
That I will be OK

 What is your mantra? 
(At work) Keep your house your home and keep your work at work.

(In love) Find a person who adds to your life. Not just a person to be in your life. 

(In life) Run if you can, walk if you must, crawl if you have to – just don’t stop.

What question do you want to be asked? 
How are you, really? What is going on?

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Trust yourself.

Your census data is: Single / No Kids / Divorced.

But, who are you really? Single / Happy / Moving Forward

So, what did I take away from this interview?

She agreed to be interviewed because she thought this was a cool idea. She feels that honesty will make the world a different place and wanted to share this interesting time in her life.

I asked what she would do if she realized her belief system guaranteed she could never get where she wanted to be in life. She instantly replied, "I would get a new one. If you don't like where you are in life than move. You are not a tree."

W1 is a mentally sharp, ambitious trial attorney. She is physically fit and appears confident and relaxed. Now in her 35th year she is fully alive, flawlessly beautiful, and expresses an open heart and mind.

In our single conversation she expressed feeling confident, powerful, accomplished, terrified, hopeful, reflective, thankful, and overwhelmed. Most of them in the course of a typical day. Sometimes even simultaneously. 

I was impressed with her ability to compartmentalize things. Her ability to maintain a successful work and personal life. She expressed feeling strong emotions but her life is not ruled by them. She is decisive yet flexible enough to adjust. Drive and patience do not usually walk hand in hand but for W1 they do. She is powerful and balanced. Much more than she knows if you ask me.

How did she shape me?

Her story alerted me to take action even when my emotions disagree. I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only person who feels terror even when my face is brave.