Transformation (W4)

Woman 4 (W4) is a brainy, bad ass. Sorry, but that is the only way I know to say it. (I'm not really sorry)  At 41 I think she is in the midst of a revolution. She may or may not have said "mid-life crisis" but I say revolution.

Here is what she had to say this morning:

I'm in a good place. My professional life feels good. My spiritual life is strong. My health is improving and exercise is working for me.

I'm committed to running a 5k every month this year. I signed up for a half marathon in April.

I started a new job in a different line of work. I had applied for a huge number of jobs and was getting nowhere. I was at the point where I was searching in other cities just thinking that KC was not where I was supposed to be. Then, I got a call from a guy about an opening.  I hadn't even applied there. A friend had passed my resume along. I met with him at 2pm. The interview was over in about an hour and I walked out with a job offer.

[Fast forward] I closed my first sale after three weeks at my new job. It made me feel powerful. My job/work is important to me and I feel powerful, I feel good when I am effective there.

How do I relax? I do yoga at least once a week. I go to church at least once a week. Currently, I attend The Center for Spiritual Living. I meditate every morning.

Meditation is tricky. When I first started meditating I found myself singing old product jingles in my head for some unknown reason. Cue: Clorox 2 Commercial (1986)

There is definitely an art to it. I am in a place now where I can silence myself.

I am reading "I am Malala" right now. I am loving it. She is an amazing person with an inspiring story.

My favorite music venue in Kansas City is Crossroads followed closely by Starlight. I like listening to music outdoors. I don't care for the Sprint Center. When you are in an enclosed space music can get too loud and the experience is not as enjoyable for me.

My belief system is the golden rule. I left Catholicism because of too many rules. I do believe in a higher power in an intellectual capacity. However, from where I stand religion is used as open door to levy judgment.  Judgment is not a part of my belief system. I think people have a right to be happy and a right to choose how and with whom they attain that happiness.

Would I like to find someone? Yes, I'm not so worried about getting married. I would like to find someone to be with. I want to cook dinner and talk. Enjoy each other, travel some, have a conversation.

What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Tenacious / Approachable / Funny                                                               

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

Last Sunday I ran five miles straight. It was the first time I have ever done that. I was filled with joy for the rest of the day.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Move.

Have a baby by myself.

I would ask more questions. I have a lot of friends. They are my support system. But, I would like to ask why they don't set me up on dates or consider me for things they consider others for. I would tell them that sometimes I feel excluded from opportunities that I would like to be included in.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?

We would go for a walk with my dogs. Then we would head to Grinders for brunch. Afterward we will head to the Plaza for a movie. They have cheap tickets and new seats. We can explore Kansas City in the afternoon. Maybe the Nelson or the Kemper Museum. Finally we would go to my house and cook dinner. Pork chops, risotto, and brussel sprouts.

We will not be riding roller coasters. I learned last summer that I should not ride roller coasters!

What event most shaped you over the last year?

Losing 75 pounds.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

I'm really happy. I feel like I have reached a degree of inner peace.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

The old me was incredibly insecure. The new me is not. People are usually surprised by how outspoken I am. "I'm like Bill Maher without the millions." (She said laughing)

What do you know for sure?

I cannot control life. Figuring that out brought me peace.

I know where I live and that my two dogs are there. They will be constants in my life until they die.

What is your mantra?

Live in the moment

What question do you want to be asked? 

What are you afraid of?

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Be optimistic

Your census data is: Single / No Kids / Never married

But, who are you really? Single / Smart / Fabulous

So, what did I take away from this interview?

First I learned that Bella Napoli is a great place to meet for coffee and conversation. It was the perfect spot for this interview.

When I asked why she decided to meet with me she said she was interested in the blog. She enjoys intelligent conversation with interesting, smart people, and wanted to catch up.

NOTE: W4 and I originally met several years back through a networking group. I wanted to interview her because I think she is informed and she has a huge professional and personal network. I recently learned of her journey with health and wellness and think that is one that many singles share.

She told me she woke up one day and decided that she couldn't keep going on the way she has previously lived her life. She had been exercising and eating healthy. Even paid a small fortune for a paleo meal plan. When she got tired of not seeing results she saw her doctor and it was determined that she had a blood sugar regulation issue and they treated that. She still works hard on healthy eating and exercise but figuring out a medical complication opened the door to success with her physical health. It all started with waking up to a decision to change.

How did she shape me?

People have a tendency to exclude or label friends in order to sort and categorize them. We all do it. Single friends go here. Married friends go there. Divorced, overweight, partier, kids, no kids, old, young, whatever. We separate them or combine them as we see fit based on how they can best serve our needs or agenda.

When someone changes their own label we don't always know where to put them in our lives. W4 has experienced a shift in friendships as she has increased her level of health and decreased her weight. As her head, heart, and body change so do her relationships. Some have drawn closer and provided support. Others have gone away or become overly attentive to her physical changes.

Authentic friendship is based on what we can do for others. How can I introduce new ideas or relationships? How can I support you in reaching your goals? How can my relationship with you be a safe place where you can be exactly who you are?

People are complicated. Friendships are complicated. They are both better when there is room for change and growth. When we recognize that people are more complicated than the labels we place on them and allow them to be their whole self we can have dynamic friendships that amount to more than smiles and laughs reminiscing over wild nights or old photos from years past. (That is the kind of run on sentence I warned you about. I have no idea how to fix it)

Our history and our memories are important for appreciating where we have been. But, where we are today and who we are now is what matters. Let’s focus on where we are going and find ways to help one another get there.