The Chardonnay Years (W8)

My late 20's were fun. I know. I paid off all the credit card debt.

My money works for me now. My finances are the thing that I feel is working best in my life now. I paid off my car and paid down my credit debt in the last few years.

From the very beginning Woman 8 (W8) was very open. She was sincere and confident. Extremely relatable. Now lets see how well I can convey the very genuine nature of our discussion.

These days I like seeing local bands at The Record Bar. I enjoy seeing shows at Sprint Center but only if I have great seats. I got a puppy over the winter and that keeps me pretty busy and entertained. When I wind down the day I like to play spider solitaire and watch old episodes of Friends. (now if that doesn't scream "30-something" I just don't know what does!)

I like to relax by grabbing a few drinks with friends. I feel  most powerful after hanging out with them. Good friends seem to balance out the crazy. I have a lot of people surrounding me that allow me to be myself. Spending time being in community leaves me feeling charged; empowered.


Over the last several months she has faced a stressful time with family. Because of that I want these years to pass quickly.

She recently decided to sell her home. She explained that it has been a long thought decision that has led to uncovering things that really maker her happy. She is looking forward to a lock-and-leave lifestyle. She said she likes owning a home but that it is just a lot of work to handle by yourself.

I asked her about her belief system. She told me that she has always had unwavering Christian faith. She doesn't believe that being in a pew on Sunday makes you more or less of a Christian. During her college years she withdrew from church mostly because of what she felt was a judgmental environment in the small town where she attended school.

Her parents divorced when she was three years old.  She did not have a close relationship with her biological father. Unfortunately, he committed suicide when she was nine. She was raised by her Mother and Stepfather. She spent a lot of time with her Grandparents as a child and said they offered an extra dose of love and support. Now, 31 years old, what she remember most about her childhood is feeling very loved.

What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Loyal / Kind / Quick to laugh                                                

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

Buying myself a birthday gift at Vera Bradley. I had a 40% off coupon. It was very self indulgent. I got this crazy, loud pattern that is ridiculous for January and February. I love it!

What would you do if you were not afraid?

I would make a decision based only on what I want.

I'm partially doing it now by selling my house. 

I would travel to Europe. I would go to the Ukraine and Poland.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?

We would start with a three mile walk in Shawnee Mission Park to clear our minds and just talk. Then we would head to The Drop for brunch. After, we would go shopping on The Plaza where I will talk you in to buying something. Finally, we will grill out on my back deck. Lets eat shrimp with spaghetti squash, feta and corn. We can end the evening reminiscing  about old times with friends over drinks.

What event most shaped you over the last year?

My family fell apart. There was a big miscommunication between my Mom and Brother during the holidays. It has been a really difficult time. Several friends have stepped up and been very comforting to me.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

Selling my house. I am freeing myself from the bondage of homeownership! It's a scary and exciting time. I am learning a lot about patience.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

I used to do interpretive sign language and dance in church.

What do you know for sure?

God is in control.

What is your mantra?

Don't be rushed. Enjoy life to the fullest.
For instance: If you go to Vegas go big. Save your money and enjoy it!

What question do you want to be asked? 

Have you ever loved somebody?

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Worth it.

Your census data is: Single / No Kids / Never Married

But, who are you really? Single / Loving / Ready

So, what did I take away from this interview?

We met at my house for the interview. It was a much calmer setting then meeting in a coffee shop or restaurant. All of the interviews have had moments that were emotional for me or the interviewee but in an uninterrupted environment the emotion came across more clearly.

When I asked why she agreed to be interviewed she said, "I feel like we focus so much on what we don't have. Singleness can be lonely but it's not the kiss of death. This is what God has given me right now. It's ok to be single and enjoy it."

She said she had read the blog previously but stopped once she agreed to be interviewed. She was worried she would psych herself out.

In her life she has faced difficulty including the death of a parent. Those difficulties were part of the conversation. They were not the focus of the conversation or of her life.

The overarching themes are the love she has received, how friends and family have touched her life, and how God has shown up for her.

How did she shape me?

"Have you ever loved someone?" What a question!

Ending a relationship is difficult regardless of the reason. I love this question because it is a heart over head question. It feels so right to shift the focus off of the sad/bad/end part and spend some time in the why/wonderful/love part.

It grabs me because I have loved very deeply. The first time I was young and very idealistic. I had no idea what I was doing but, yes, I did love someone.

I have only allowed myself to really love someone one other time. It's a lot more labor intensive when you are a grown up! It was wonderful, and terrible, and so much more. I got so much out of it and I gave more then I knew I had to offer. That time there were kids involved so when it ended the gravity of the loss was much greater.

Being single is not usually a consequence of failing to love. Sometimes it is the consequence of loving. Loving yourself enough to have self respect. Loving someone enough to sacrifice your own needs for theirs. Many times it is the consequence of loving someone enough to realize that your relationship doesn't work. Letting someone go (in whatever form that takes) requires love. As does letting yourself go (to do or say or be whatever you need at the time).

"God is in control." What a statement! That is what she knows for sure? Wow!

Regardless of the faith you hold it is remarkable when a person can be so clear and concise. I aspire to be a person that doesn't feel the need to ramble on endlessly (which I currently do). To know your beliefs and know yourself well enough to boil it down. To be certain of even one thing. What a freedom!