All About Me (It's a Woman Thing) (W5)

"I feel powerful when I do something I am afraid of and I conquer it." Not everyone is comfortable admitting that but on some level I think we all feel that way. No matter the fear(s) conquering them is empowering. If you can just get up the nerve to do it.

Based on our conversation Woman 5 (W5) has been conquering fears her whole life. I don't know that she has necessarily been cognizant of it but her story is one of overcoming obstacles, believing for the best, and staying the course. I would characterize this 44 year old mother of three as a breath of fresh air.

When she wants to get out and enjoy herself she enjoys doing something physical. She specifically noted running 5k's at the top of her list. She likes music saying there are too many venues she likes to even try to name them. If it's Spring or Summer she likes to see concerts at Starlight. She told me one of her favorite concert memories is seeing James Taylor with her daughter.

She definitely knows what she doesn't like. "I don't like hard rock, opera, and please don't take me to the ballet."


She described the best part of her life like this, "My kids. They are grown up and have turned out well. At 17, 19, and 22 they are great people. I attribute it to coming from good stock and effective brainwashing."

W5 was divorced 12 years ago. She said it took her about six years to get comfortable with being single. She told me that if or when she finds her beliefs in conflict with her life she has to change them. "I want to be happy. I don't want pity and I don't want to be uncomfortable." She explained that post divorce she did have to move on setting aside relationships with some friends and a church community that couldn't cope with the change in relationship status.

I asked her what kindness in her life taught her about giving. She immediately answered that there was one event that stands out very clearly. She said she hasn't thought about it in years but it was a profound moment in her life.

(Here is the Reader's Digest version)
When she was seven years old her parents divorced. She was the youngest of five children and at the time the older kids required her mothers attention for an assortment of issues including a major medical struggle and a whole host of serious issues faced by teens. Their family was heavily involved in the Mormon Church so the divorce was a sudden and traumatic change during which the mother and children were immediately outcast from their church community. Her mother moved them out of state shortly there after and built a new life.

In the short time before the move W5's friends Mother and Grandmother expressed concern that she should be baptized. Very privately, they gave her a bible and showed her great kindness in the midst of this incredible rejection by the rest of their church community. Reaching out to her in this way was a great social risk for them as they were stepping out of line with the directives of their Church.

She explained that this was the greatest act of acceptance and faith that she has ever experienced.


What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Honest (to a fault) / Loyal / Good mom                                                          

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

Gone on blind dates. I like the challenge and I enjoy hearing other peoples story.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Be in business for myself. 

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?

Does it have to be in KC? Darn, I had so many beaches picked out!

We would go to a Chiefs game during the day. Then we would head to Theatre in the Park at Shawnee Mission Park. (I have always wanted to go to that)

What event most shaped you over the last year?

My new job. I have been so stable for so long. It has thrown me out of my comfort zone. My kids are going to college so stability is everything.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

My kids are turning into adults. It's the best part. They spend time with me. We have dinner every Sunday. I make the main thing and they each bring food. We play games, eat, and hang out.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

That I appear confident but can be very insecure. I am female after all.

What do you know for sure?

I'm a good person. I know what I want and what I don't want. It took a long time. I think women are bad at that. I am not settling.

What is your mantra?

I don't have one. You said this didn't have to be profound.

What question do you want to be asked? 

I'm pretty transparent. I don't need a particular question to open me up. Maybe I would say invite me out or set me up.

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Trust yourself.

Your census data is: Single / 3 Kids / Divorced

But, who are you really? Single / Fun / Confident

So, what did I take away from this interview?

She told me that she agreed to the interview because she thought she would be the most single person I knew. I had to laugh because based on the singles I know 12 years is nothing. On a more serious note most single people seem to think they are "the most single". That feeling of isolation and of being different is too common and I hope these interviews function to dispel that myth.

Her statement that it took six years to get comfortable with being divorced struck me as well. Divorce is so disruptive. The ripple effect of it touches a lot of lives while seemingly leaving those in the center of it isolated. At a time when families need community so desperately it seems friends, extended family, church community, and peers typically distance themselves. It is a social phenomenon that I find especially concerning. One that has touched the lives of most single people I know in a primarily destructive way.

Finally, I was excited to hear about what she is doing now. She has been wholly dedicated to providing a stable and loving home for her children over the last 12 years. What a gift it must be to feel confident that they are good people and capable of handling adulthood.

So many parents put their personal lives on hold in order to focus on raising kids. W5 seems to be handling the transition back to being more focused on herself with grace and excitement.

How did she shape me?

Her story is a demonstration of how stick-to-it-iveness pays off. Her ability to roll with the punches is remarkable. She is comfortable saying what has gone wrong but is not stuck in feeling the pain of her past struggles. She recognizes the people who have a positive impact and carries the lessons and kindnesses with her.

Just as important as all of that she is fun. She is intelligent without being pretentious. She can cut loose, have a drink, and have honest conversation without reservation or over doing it.

She makes me want to be a runner. She made me look forward to getting older. I mean she seems to be having a great time. Right?