Discovery (W7)

"You have to celebrate yourself," she said shrugging her shoulders.

Oh, yeah. Then she confessed to sometimes thinking, "what is wrong with me?"
(I don't think I need to explain the two sides of the inner dialogue coin)

As we meandered through the interview she shared some insights learned on her path to finding her truth. "Someday I will fly." Those were her words which makes them beautiful.

"I prefer non-fiction over fiction." That's how she answer what books she likes to read. I learned that the same statement rings true of her view on life.

W7 is a 36 year old Entrepreneur in the midst of realizing her dream. She started her own talent agency in the recent past. She has been entrenched in building her business over the last year and expressed feeling powerful at work. "I enjoy working with actors. I feel needed and loved. My reputation is good." She feels trusted and esteemed; in control of her professional life.

Some low-key couch time watching Netflix is her idea of relaxing. (ditto) For a night of live music she enjoys seeing The Zero's or Dolewite at The Brooksider. She's not much for concerts but laughed about good times watching 90's cover bands with friends. (Sounds fun to me. Think they sing any Milli Vanilli?)


When asked what is working in her life she said she feels good about her relationship with her family. She described those relationships as close but not controlling.

I loved what she had to say about men and dating. "I like men and am interested in what they have to say." She does want a partner and kids. "It's about living in the same world." She said she feels confident talking to men. She has no issue with talking to guys when she is out on the town.

As we talked a bit about dating she told me that she has learned, "you should be less concerned about being a nice girl and focus on being a real girl". In the context of avoiding players or creepers she has learned that you have to protect yourself and at times that means not being Ms. Congeniality.

Finally, my favorite way to wrap up an interview is asking what kindness taught the interviewee about giving. Her answer was that when she was starting her business and sought investors she was humbled by a former teacher and mentor offering a sizeable financial commitment.

"She believed in me and made me believe in myself".

What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Supportive / even keeled / funny                                                     

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

I had a great date. It's the first one since last Spring. We saw a play and had drinks. We flirted. I let myself be vulnerable.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

I would be more vulnerable. I'm an honest person but I would be more honest with people about who I am.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?

We would go to a Royals Game. Then head to the Plaza for margaritas on a patio somewhere.

What event most shaped you over the last year?

I started my own talent agency. If I was afraid I could not have done it. I just figured, why not?  I get up every day and go to work. I go to meetings. I am with myself all day. I'm learning that I really like myself. I am accountable -- to myself. There is no other option. I jumped and I jumped hard. It is part of how I define myself. I am courageous.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

I am my own boss. There are pluses and minuses. I know I love what I am doing because I often don't know what day it is. I don't live for the weekend.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

I've never had a boyfriend. I have never introduced a guy to my parents.

What do you know for sure?

"This too shall pass". I did not understand that in my 20's. My mother used to say it all the time and it drove me crazy. It really is true. I am getting better at being upset and then letting it pass.

What is your mantra?

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

What question do you want to be asked? 

I always ask men out. I want someone to ask me to dinner.

How can I help you?
In my job I take care of others. At times I want someone to take care of me.

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Lose weight.

Your census data is: Single / No Kids / Never Married

But, who are you really? Single / Focused / Fun Loving

So, what did I take away from this interview?

W7 is open to opportunity.

When asked why she decided to meet with me she immediately replied, "When you asked I never even thought to say no." She explained that as a talent agent she cares for and thinks about others all day long. She values herself and wanted to talk about the good things in her life. "Look how far I have come", she said.

I love that! Look how far I've come. Life looks better though that lens. It's about progress not perfection.

She is wonderful because she is reaching, dreaming, and trying every day. Her struggle with self-doubt and the urge to pin singleness on "what is wrong" also makes her wonderful because it means she is real. I love that she gives herself credit for what she does well all the while diligently working on personal and professional improvement.

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So now, for a moment, lets go back to "lose weight" and "what is wrong with me". I hesitate to go there because I worry I won't have the right words. I also worry that these two statements/discussion topics can lead to judgment. (and who wants any more of that?)

Topics like body image, attraction and intimacy are veritable landmines loaded with self doubt and shame. Singles seem to easily pick out something they can call bad or wrong about their bodies.

Comfortable with how your body looks?
I don't know many people that can say they are.

Skinny is not a personality trait.
People of all body types find and maintain relationships.

Weight is not a measure of character.
Don't even get me started on this one.

We discussed weight and how it can influence dating. The way physical appearance affects relationships with friend and lovers. The fact that this is largely a mental and emotional area rather then a physical fitness topic.The hang-ups that surround weight and on and on and on. Ultimately, judging someone's body really is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

Sexual attractiveness matters in the context of an intimate relationship. I am only talking about using weight as a "qualifier" NOT as an "attracter". These are vastly different.

Enough about that. It breaks my heart to think of the pain and conflict this topic dredges up.

How did she shape me?

She reminded me of all the people who have stood behind me, pushed me, or held my hand at exactly the right time. People who believed in me before I believed in myself.

When those moments arrive you are in the heat of battle. Leaving a job or relationship that isn't working. Starting out in a new relationship or job hoping it will be the one. Or, drum roll please, somewhere in the valley between the two when doubt, fear, imagination,  possibility, and choice come to life.

For you visual learners it's an emotional place I would liken to hungry, hungry hippos raising hell in a pool of marbles, or the Grandview Triangle in rush hour, or Congress. Kill or be killed my friends!

It's nearly impossible to stop the momentum and let the impact of sincere confidence, support, and love sink into our hearts when we find ourselves in those times.

I am mindful today of my fan club. A big thanks to W7 for that reminder.