Post Waffles (W12)

Woman 12 (W12) is 26 years old. She is sweet natured and quick to strike up a conversation. In some ways she is youthful and innocent. In other ways she is wise beyond her years.  She told me that she agreed to be interviewed because she felt the push. I couldn't ignore it.

There are many sides to her and in our short conversation I am sure we only scratched the surface. It would take a lot of time and conversation to gain real insight into her heart and mind. The things about her that struck me initially were her level head, her loving heart, and her desire to live in community.

You see when you spend time with W12 you often get the chance to spend time with her son. Being a single mom means that when she is not at work he is typically by her side.

Here is part of our email chain to set up the interview:

Me: Don't know what your schedule is with your son but I am pretty flexible. let me know when would be the best time for you. looking forward to it!

W12: I have [him] 24/7/365. He's pretty easily entertained with a kindle though! We could do coffee before 11.

I assumed that she probably had a family member, roommate, or friend that watches her son when she goes out. But, like many single parents she does not have a regular break. So, she has figured out how to maintain friendships and stay in community while raising her son.

So, I learned she is level headed by watching her navigate our interview intermixed with conversation with her son. I learned she has a loving heart by the way she described her relationship with her son, how she looked at him, and how she described her relationships with her family and friends. I can see that she desires community based on her description of her involvement in her church.

I asked her, "What do people misunderstand about single parents?"
My son and I are separate people. You can interact with just me.

What is working in my life? What is not working? Being a mom is great. Daycare and preschool are going well. My job is good. I attend Heartland Community Church and am currently facilitating a bible study group.

I feel powerful when I am at church. That is where I feel God. I also feel powerful at work. I enjoy my new job. I am working in a professional setting.

I enjoy spending time with friends when I can. I enjoy Westport, Kanza Hall, the Overland Park Arboretum and going to the Farmer's Market. Having a good glass of wine is always relaxing for me.

I don't really have a favorite music venue. I probably need to check some of them out. I think the Record Bar and the Granada are a good start.

I really liked the way she wrapped up the interview. Her viewpoint is refreshing because it is accepting of reality while still being based in her faith: The bible says that God said it would be good. Not perfect. Good.


What three words would your best friend use to describe you?

Random / Cheesy joke lover / Mommy                                         

What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?

I took my son the Snake Saturday Parade and carnival.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Rely on God more. It's hard as a single parent. If God's leading you to do something there is no risk.

Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?
Lets head to the River Market and walk through the Farmer's Market in the morning. We can visit with my favorite vendor. While we are there we can stop into The River Market Coffee Shop for a toasted marshmallow mocha. We can grab lunch at Twisted. Then we can spend the afternoon at Deanna Rose Farmstead feeding baby goats and stroll through the Overland Park Arboretum. I love Monet's Garden and feeding the fish.

What event most shaped you over the last year?

I was baptized last August. It was symbolic of me rededicating myself to God. I had the head knowledge I needed but not the heart knowledge.

What is your favorite part of your life right now?

Being a Mom. My son is happy, fun and smart.

What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?

I can be really loud and outgoing. Usually I am introverted.

What do you know for sure?

God is capable of healing. He is worthy of my trust.

What is your mantra?

God is in control. I am not.

What question do you want to be asked? 

How was your week? (Then listen and wait for my answer)

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?

Ignore boys.

Your census data is: Single / 1 Kid / Never married

But, who are you really? Single / Wise / Person of faith

So, what did I take away from this interview?

Everything does not have to be planned or perfect in order to be good. In life we often find ourselves in a place/ a roll/ a life we did not anticipate.  Every moment doesn't have to be blissful to be memorable. We all have days that are not easy but they are worth it.

Faith is important. What you put your faith in is an individual decision. But, faith is sustaining and it shapes your world view. Faith in God. Faith in yourself. Faith in others.

Have faith that your journey has a purpose. Know that the journey is more enjoyable if you can find joy in your role and be open to the possibility that lies in not knowing.

How did she shape me?

She gave me some perspective on single parents. When talking to parents, especially single parents, it is easy to make small talk about their kids. After all being a parent is a 24/7/365 job. So, there is a lot of material there.

Remember that parenting is a role some people have. None of us are just one thing. W12 is also a daughter, a friend, a coworker, a volunteer, and on and on. Parents have interests outside of their children. They need to be seen and known just like the rest of us. It is easy to get lost in the business of parenting. Take the time to reach out to them and be mindful that they need friendships that go deeper than just small talk.