I am trying to learn to be comfortable with who I am. It is a much different thing than being grateful for what I have. When I am in moments of contentment and gratitude I realize that most things are working really well in my life. I am happy being single.
I was really nervous about being interviewed for the blog. I don't feel like I am doing that much and I wonder if I am interesting.
I am so glad she agreed to be interviewed! Woman 9 (W9) is dynamic and interesting. I think her story will resonate with a lot of single people. A lot of divorced people. And, a lot of single parents.
One thing that I know for sure is that I am better off divorced. I have never looked back. I feel totally different then when I was married. I am taking stands more and more as I get my life, family, house, and job aligned and bring order back to my life.
It is not ideal. Part of my heart will always be broken for my son and the fact that his family is split. He misses his mom when he is with his dad and visa versa.
I feel powerful when I stand up for myself, for others, or for something I believe in. I had to take a stand on many things during my divorce. I made decisions and I stuck to them. I don't often do that and it felt good.
I have experienced many acts of kindness in my life. One of the most poignant happened during my divorce. My sister drove three hours each way to come into town and attend a court date with me. She doesn't talk about her emotions. She shows her feelings with her actions. It was so comforting to have someone behind me when I stood up in that court room. I could have gone by myself. I would not have asked anyone to go with me. But, I was so thankful she was there. (I'm confident that anyone who has been through a divorce can appreciate what this must have meant.)
So what is her life like now? She is 35 years old and her life is likely similar to yours and mine. She is interested in a lot of different things. She spends her free time with friends, sometimes dating, and exploring interests and hobbies.
When I need to relax I play guitar and have a drink. I also like to run. I'm cerebral and tend to be high anxiety. Going out for dinner or having a drink helps me get out of my own head.
Of course, I also like music and seeing concerts. One of my favorite shows was The Lumineers at Liberty Hall in Lawrence, KS.
People that know me may be surprised to learn that I think I can sing and play guitar really well. I have never played or sung for a crowd. I think she should go on a short trip and perform at an open mic night in front of strangers. I think she would be amazing!
I love my son. He is an amazing, happy kid and so fun to spend time with. I am ecstatic about being his Mom. However, I don't define myself by being a mom.
She recommended reading "Why Mom's are Weird" by Pamela Ribon
We talked about dating people that are wrong or bad for us. I loved what she had to say.
I am smarter than what I did and I did it anyway. I should think about why I did that. Maybe it was the challenge, the drama, or just filled the void. It was self sabotage. I ended up getting bitch slapped by a self fulfilling prophesy. (Been there. Done that. Have the whiplash to prove it.)
What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Funny / Smart / Passionate
What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
I love watching my sons basketball games. He smiles the whole time. There is no better free entertainment.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
I would try new things. I'm a homebody. I want to do things but I don't go out and do them. I would stop feeling so anxious when I travel. (noted concerns about germs on airplanes and in hotels.)
Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?
We would start out our morning with bowling and some beers to get things going. Then we will go to The Plaza Art Fair and then have dinner on a patio at BRGR. Finally, lets head off to the batting cages.
What event most shaped you over the last year?
I got involved with someone that was very wrong for me. I knew it was wrong up front and did it anyway. I should think about why I did that.
What is your favorite part of your life right now?
My relationships with friends and family. When I focus on them I feel focused, fulfilled, and peaceful.
What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
How hard I am on myself. Oh, and also, that I can probably still do a cartwheel...but, I might pull my groin.
What do you know for sure?
I'm so much better off divorced.
What is your mantra?
Do you have a suggestion? I need to get one.
What question do you want to be asked?
How do you really feel?
I want to stop talking, stop doing something, and just feel something.
I want to stop talking, stop doing something, and just feel something.
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Love yourself
Your census data is: Single / 1 Kid / Divorced
But, who are you really? Single / Feisty / Wonderfully flawed
So, what did I take away from this interview?
SO, SO MUCH!
It is ok to not want to be married. It is ok to decide that divorce is the right answer for you even though it is never an easy decision.
Being a parent can be a gift. It was refreshing to hear that she loves her child and loves being his mom while maintaining her own identity and life. She sees him as an individual person and gives him credit for who he is and how he behaves. It would be easy to leave a marriage and sink into being a parent and only a parent. I think it is better for kids and parents if they keep their individuality. It is a lot of pressure on a kid to be their parents only source of love, affection, identity or joy.
Dating the wrong people, making bad decisions, or just simply making mistakes is part of life. Don't let mistakes become your identity. Learn from them and move on. You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful. We should be as forgiving of our own mistakes as we are of others.
W9 was a friend of mine when we were kids. We had a lot of fun together. Then, I moved across town and went to a different school. Since our best means of communication was a cordless phone our lives ultimately went different ways. We kind of stayed in touch but it was very, very infrequent. This interview is evidence of why social networking is good. It was wonderful to spend time with her. To recount the last 22 years was a blast. She is as great as I remember. We talked and laughed for hours just like we did when we were 12. It was incredibly fun!
It is ok to not want to be married. It is ok to decide that divorce is the right answer for you even though it is never an easy decision.
Being a parent can be a gift. It was refreshing to hear that she loves her child and loves being his mom while maintaining her own identity and life. She sees him as an individual person and gives him credit for who he is and how he behaves. It would be easy to leave a marriage and sink into being a parent and only a parent. I think it is better for kids and parents if they keep their individuality. It is a lot of pressure on a kid to be their parents only source of love, affection, identity or joy.
Dating the wrong people, making bad decisions, or just simply making mistakes is part of life. Don't let mistakes become your identity. Learn from them and move on. You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful. We should be as forgiving of our own mistakes as we are of others.
W9 was a friend of mine when we were kids. We had a lot of fun together. Then, I moved across town and went to a different school. Since our best means of communication was a cordless phone our lives ultimately went different ways. We kind of stayed in touch but it was very, very infrequent. This interview is evidence of why social networking is good. It was wonderful to spend time with her. To recount the last 22 years was a blast. She is as great as I remember. We talked and laughed for hours just like we did when we were 12. It was incredibly fun!
How did she shape me?
She is wonderfully imperfect. She gets confused, makes mistakes, and wrestles with her truths. It is amazing. Her story encourages me to spend time not knowing, not deciding, and allowing my life to just be what it is.
She was open about the fact that she is not sure she wants to get married again. She is happy being single. She likes dating and also likes her freedom. It is ok to like your freedom and still want love and intimacy.
I love that she explores her interests. She plays guitar. She sings. She does things simply for enjoyment and does not require the approval or endorsement of others to decide who she is.
Old friends are sometimes the best friends. Our interview was an experience indicative of the fact that there are people in our lives that we don't have to see often in order to maintain a bond with them. It was like no time had passed at all. If you have friends like that be very glad. Find time to see them even if it is only once a year or once every five years.
There was one portion of our discussion where we talked about regrets. When I was 12 I said something to her that was terrible. Doesn't really matter what it was as much as the fact that it was wrong and sticks out as one of the few regrets I have in my life. That moment, those words, and the look on her face when I said it have stuck in my head ever since. I found out that those words stuck with her too. I am sorry I said it and even more sorry that it impacted her the way it did.
Saying sorry is important. It is a really hard thing for me to do. We all make mistakes and sometimes we say the wrong thing. I could benefit from saying I'm sorry more. My relationships would be stronger if I acknowledged when I hurt someone. I will have to keep working on it.
She was very gracious about the whole thing. That grace will continue to shape me.
She was open about the fact that she is not sure she wants to get married again. She is happy being single. She likes dating and also likes her freedom. It is ok to like your freedom and still want love and intimacy.
I love that she explores her interests. She plays guitar. She sings. She does things simply for enjoyment and does not require the approval or endorsement of others to decide who she is.
Old friends are sometimes the best friends. Our interview was an experience indicative of the fact that there are people in our lives that we don't have to see often in order to maintain a bond with them. It was like no time had passed at all. If you have friends like that be very glad. Find time to see them even if it is only once a year or once every five years.
There was one portion of our discussion where we talked about regrets. When I was 12 I said something to her that was terrible. Doesn't really matter what it was as much as the fact that it was wrong and sticks out as one of the few regrets I have in my life. That moment, those words, and the look on her face when I said it have stuck in my head ever since. I found out that those words stuck with her too. I am sorry I said it and even more sorry that it impacted her the way it did.
Saying sorry is important. It is a really hard thing for me to do. We all make mistakes and sometimes we say the wrong thing. I could benefit from saying I'm sorry more. My relationships would be stronger if I acknowledged when I hurt someone. I will have to keep working on it.
She was very gracious about the whole thing. That grace will continue to shape me.
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