Man 5 (M5) was divorced last fall. Talking about it with him was refreshing. That may sound strange but it was. His take on being single at 39 years old was pretty light hearted. He is enjoying dating. He is enjoying some freedom, along with the calm and quiet it has brought with it.
My job is working for me right now. I am also learning guitar. I have wanted to learn since I was 10 but thought it was too late to start. I also enjoy music. I like seeing bands at BB's Lawnside, Knuckleheads, and The Phoenix.
He told me that he decided to meet with me because he is an open book. He said he has nothing to hide and since he knew me through mutual friends he decided to take the chance.I asked him what he thinks people misunderstand about what it's like being a single guy. He told me that he thinks it's partnership. Men want a partner for the same reasons women do. It's not just about sharing responsibilities. He wants someone to be glad to see him at the end of the day.
(Don't Laugh!) At one point he said, "Men are like dogs." Of course, I quickly agreed. I have to say that when he expounded on this cliché it was actually fairly enlightening.
Men are like dogs. Seriously. We want to make our partner happy. I just want a woman who will tell me what she wants. I will do whatever it is. I will do anything to make the woman in my life happy. I can take care of myself and I'm happy to take care of someone else. I just want someone to smile when they see me at the end of the day. I want her to be glad to spend time with me. And, I wouldn't mind a little bit of petting every once in a while. I think most men would agree.
I asked him later about what kindness stands out most in his life.
My college advisor. He could have just overlooked me but he showed me compassion and seemed to understand me. He was really more focused on the relationship than he was on just getting through his day. My grades were down and he told me to leave and go to JCCC for a while. Once I got my grades up I could return to my university and finish my degree. If I stayed on the track I was on I probably would not have successfully completed my degree plan.
I took his advice. I went to JCCC, got my credits, and came back to finish the program. I still think about him and contemplate sending him a note or dropping by his office to tell him how he helped me.
M5 He also made several comments about his sister throughout our discussion. He said she is the best and kindest person he knows. It is amazing how frequently interviewees note the significant impact of their sibling relationships in their adult life.
He made a side note when we talked about having fun in Kansas City. He told me that once a year he and a friend go on a pub crawl by bicycle. I love this idea! It combines all of the good things of youth. Stupidity, adventure, freedom, free transportation, and danger!
At the end of their pub crawl they drive over to the local police station and spar with a friend (who happens to be a cop). They have done this together for three years now. Carry on party people!
What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
Dependable / Kind / Funny
What is the most fun thing you have done in the last 30 days?
I went on a first date at The Phoenix. I love jazz. We had a few good drinks and the date turned out to be really fun.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
Approach women more.
Where would we go for a "day of fun" in Kansas City?
We would go for a bike ride on Indian Creek Trail. Then head out to Royals stadium to tailgate and see an afternoon game. Of course, we have to get sunflower seeds and beer. After we can go out for some dinner, drinks, and listen to Jazz.
What event most shaped you over the last year?
My divorce. I did all I could do. I feel at peace with my decision.
What is your favorite part of your life right now?
Playing my guitar.
What would new friends be surprised to learn about you?
I have liberal views. I am a Catholic and an Engineer so sometimes people are surprised that I don't fit a certain stereo type. I guess opposites attract.
What do you know for sure?
Selfishness will kill any relationship
What is your mantra?
I don't really have a mantra. I do have a few quotes saved in my phone that I like.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-- Mother Theresa
What question do you want to be asked?
What question do you want to be asked?
What do you want from a woman/partner?
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in 2 words?
Be careful
Your census data is: Single / 1 Kid / Divorced
But, who are you really? Single / Kind / Funny
So, what did I take away from this interview?
Spoiler alert: There seems to be a lot of really great guys out there!
Sometimes it seems that we (women) get down on men and decide that all the good ones are taken and/or single guys are somehow bad or incapable of relationships. I think women should take a deep breath and deal with the fact that this is not the case.
(Men are not off the hook here) Men often tell me that they don't have any friends they would recommend. So, they must be falling into the same trap. Most of the men I have interviewed are friends of friends. I have been amazed at how much I learn about them. I have been even more surprised at how much different they are then what I thought they would be like.
M5 is a nice guy who likes to have fun. He wants to find a woman who likes having fun, knows what she wants, and makes him feel appreciated and wanted. (Huh. I think we can all agree on that criteria)
Sometimes it seems that we (women) get down on men and decide that all the good ones are taken and/or single guys are somehow bad or incapable of relationships. I think women should take a deep breath and deal with the fact that this is not the case.
(Men are not off the hook here) Men often tell me that they don't have any friends they would recommend. So, they must be falling into the same trap. Most of the men I have interviewed are friends of friends. I have been amazed at how much I learn about them. I have been even more surprised at how much different they are then what I thought they would be like.
M5 is a nice guy who likes to have fun. He wants to find a woman who likes having fun, knows what she wants, and makes him feel appreciated and wanted. (Huh. I think we can all agree on that criteria)
How did she shape me?
I loved what he said about men being like dogs. That struck a cord with me.
I better only speak for myself here but in a former life/relationship I underestimated how much a man needs to hear that he is appreciated, loved, and respected.
Yes, I can take care of myself. But (and, that is a big but) I don't want to. I want a partner. It is important for women to stay mindful that even if the man in our life doesn't say it he wants to be appreciated and loved. He needs to hear you say it.
So, really, they are just like us. They require love, affection, and respect to be fulfilled.
Partnership = two way street.
If you have a partner don't take them for granted. Men may seem less complicated then women but don't get confused. They are not stupid. They know when they are not wanted or needed.
I better only speak for myself here but in a former life/relationship I underestimated how much a man needs to hear that he is appreciated, loved, and respected.
Yes, I can take care of myself. But (and, that is a big but) I don't want to. I want a partner. It is important for women to stay mindful that even if the man in our life doesn't say it he wants to be appreciated and loved. He needs to hear you say it.
So, really, they are just like us. They require love, affection, and respect to be fulfilled.
Partnership = two way street.
If you have a partner don't take them for granted. Men may seem less complicated then women but don't get confused. They are not stupid. They know when they are not wanted or needed.
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