A New Perspective

Historically, I would not characterize myself as a writer or as a researcher or as a lot of things.

One night in early December, I was having trouble falling asleep as thoughts of my upcoming birthday ran through my head. The close of an incredibly eventful year was coming near, with the beginning of a new year right on its heels. My repeating thought was not about what has or has not happened over the last year. Rather, it was about why I am so focused on what I am not, what I do not have, and what I have not accomplished by this point in my life.

I have many great qualities. I have everything I need. I have accomplished many things.

This internal counseling session went on for a while, as you may have already imagined.

I turn 35 in a few weeks. This is exciting simply because I love celebrating birthdays. I love milestones and reflection and anticipating what the next year will bring. My life is not what I thought it would be when I was a teenager, planning my next 80 years down to the last nonsensical detail. (Why do we do that?) While it is not the cookie-cutter fairytale that I had anticipated, it has turned out to be a more substantial and fulfilling life than I was capable of envisioning at 16.

My oversimplified profile is: single/no kids/never married.

But, who am I, really?


I am a well-educated and promising professional. I enjoy cooking, movies, travel, and exploring local restaurants and music venues. I am a person of faith. I lend my time and effort to causes including education, anti-bullying, youth mentoring, hunger, homelessness, and family and sexual violence prevention. I have great friends, I spend time with my family, and I enjoy meeting new people. I am smart, witty, and I love to laugh.

Yes, I would like to get married and have kids. However, wanting that does not define me. More importantly, I want to enjoy a life surrounded by quality people who define themselves as something more then their relationship status.

So, what ultimately got me out of bed that night to find paper and pen was this: 

• How would my life change if I simply appreciated who I am and enjoyed the life I have? 
• How would my relationships change if I looked beyond oversimplified profiles and got to know people for who and where they are?
• How would our social networks improve if we enjoyed meeting new people rather than twisting every introduction into an interview? 

To be honest, grammar, spelling, and punctuation have never been my strong suit. I am going to write about this experience anyway, because I believe there are many single Kansas Citians who wonder where all the other single people are - and why they are so hard to find. I am interested in meeting single people in Kansas City because I know they are everywhere. I don't want the single conversation to be "how did we get here" and "how do we get out." Lets talk about what interests us, what we are passionate about, and what is working in our lives.

Something tells me that if we can change our perspective, our conversation, and the focus of our relationships our lives will be fuller. Being in a relationship vs. being single should not be the only thing we have to talk about. We are much more than that. My goal this year is to change the single conversation in my life.

Statistical Data Shows That Single People Are Everywhere

People	KC, MO	United States
Population	2,035,334	308,035,306
Median Age	36.5	37.3
Households	799,637	116,716,292
Household Size	2.51	2.58
Male Population	48.95%	49.27%
Female Population	51.05%	50.96%
Married Population	50.23%	47.02%
Single Population	49.77%	52.98%

http://www.bestplaces.net/people/metro/missouri/kansas_city

Single Life

102 million

Number of unmarried people in America 18 and older in 2011. This group comprised 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A1.

53%

Percentage of unmarried U.S. residents 18 and older who were women in 2011; 47 percent were men.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A1.

62%

Percentage of unmarried U.S. residents 18 and older in 2011 who had never been married. Another 24 percent were divorced, and 14 percent were widowed.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A1

17 million

Number of unmarried U.S. residents 65 and older in 2011. These seniors comprised 16 percent of all unmarried people 18 and older.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A1

89

Number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States in 2011.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A1

55 million

Number of households maintained by unmarried men and women in 2011. These households comprised 46 percent of households nationwide.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table A2

33 million

Number of people who lived alone in 2011. They comprised 28 percent of all households, up from 17 percent in 1970.
Source: America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2011
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2011.html> Table H1 and HH-4