No Pressure (M1)

The long awaited Man 1 (M1) interview took place at Taco Republic. While the temperature outside
hovered around zero, we sat in the festive dining room holding beers in one hand and delicious tacos in the other pretending we were chatting it up beachfront.

My favorite part of the interview was when he told me that he feels most powerful when he pulls into his garage at the end of the day. He said, "It's my domain. I worked for it, it's my place and it represents accomplishing my goals. It doesn't matter the size of the garage. It matters that it's all mine."

Wait. I lied. My favorite part was when he said that his favorite part of life right now is watching his kids become adults. He enjoys his kids, ages 17 and 20. I love when I hear parents say they enjoy their teenage kids. Being a teen is tough, and there are few things that teens need more than their parents attention and affection. Yep, that's my favorite part.

Transformation (W4)

Woman 4 (W4) is a brainy, bad ass. Sorry, but that is the only way I know to say it. (I'm not really sorry)  At 41 I think she is in the midst of a revolution. She may or may not have said "mid-life crisis" but I say revolution.

Here is what she had to say this morning:

I'm in a good place. My professional life feels good. My spiritual life is strong. My health is improving and exercise is working for me.

I'm committed to running a 5k every month this year. I signed up for a half marathon in April.

I started a new job in a different line of work. I had applied for a huge number of jobs and was getting nowhere. I was at the point where I was searching in other cities just thinking that KC was not where I was supposed to be. Then, I got a call from a guy about an opening.  I hadn't even applied there. A friend had passed my resume along. I met with him at 2pm. The interview was over in about an hour and I walked out with a job offer.

The Future (W3)

"My 62 feels more like 45. I am filled with energy, goals and desires. I have no plans to retire."

Woman 3 (W3) and I agreed that 62 is just not as old as it used to be. She is excited about her future and confident that she is not yet in her last and final chapter by any means.

W3 explained that she agreed to meet with me because she had enjoyed meeting me a few weeks prior and likes to share and learn from new people. "I wanted to spend time thinking of me. I don't usually do that."

"The two things working best in my life right now are my new job and my dedication to exercise." W3 went on to explain that there is not really anything in her life that is not working. She started exercising regularly six months ago explaining that she feels mentally and emotionally healthy and wants her physical health too.

Continued Adolescence (W2)

"I am at my best when I am out of my own head. When I am immersed in doing things I enjoy I can help and inspire people."

We covered a lot of ground in 80 minutes. Woman 2 (W2) jumped into the interview with both feet. She had not read my self-interview post so she was wholly candid. We broke it all the way down over some Chuy's chips and salsa. She made me laugh, she nearly made me cry, and she opened my eyes to how lightening up a bit can smooth out life's path.

One of the first questions I asked was, "what do you know for sure?" I asked it early on with hope it would set the mood and give me some insight into where she finds her strength. Her answer was refreshing. (See below) She got a bit emotional when answering it and her body language and facial expressions were telling. She finished with a note about feeling hormonal. While the tears in her eyes said hormones we can all understand getting emotional when we collide with knowing we are loved, thought of, and important. These are feelings that stir us.

Finding Me (W1)

I met my first interviewee on Sunday night.

Woman 1 (W1) opened up by telling me that after several years of feeling "lost in a forest" she feels she has found her way to a path.

W1 has been reflecting on activities she enjoyed in her early 20's and trying to incorporate those things into her current routine. (Love that idea!) She has been baking and wants to take painting classes this year. She prefers listening to the radio over watching TV. She did say that a Criminal Minds marathon is one of the only reasons she might spend a day hanging out on the couch. When asked what is working in her life right now she said running.

Over the last few years she completed law school and started her own business. Her growing business is the part of her life where she feels things are working best.

A New Day (Me)

I have prepared the list of questions for my first interview.


I firmly believe that you should not ask questions of others that you are not prepared to answer for yourself. So, I figured I should go first. While it is probably impossible to interview yourself I gave it my best shot. I scrapped any question that I could not comfortably answer immediately.

The fist hurdle is surrendering beliefs that discourage connection.(Anything that sounds like, "I am not fill in the blank")

In order to focus on who I am today I am leaving the future to its own devices. I am ditching beliefs that keep me from getting where I want to go. I hope by doing so that I might just find something relevant/something real in every single conversation.

Conversations Worth Having

It has been an incredibly thought provoking week! Several people have already raised their hand to be interviewed. (3 down, 67 to go) So, I have been thinking a lot about what I will ask them. I have been thinking about blogs, writers and peers that are candid and self aware, disarming and able to get to the heart of a matter with great sincerity.

Friends continue to ask me what my real goal is. What it "really is". My agenda is simply to have a real conversation with single people who are living life in Kansas City.

I hope that my curiosity will be inviting. I hope that 70 like-minded, inquisitive people will jump at the chance to join me in this experiment. I hope that 35 men and 35 women will have the courage to share their reality/their story with me in a single conversation.

Since I don't always have the right words and obviously brevity is not a gift I possess I thought I would share examples of bloggers who offer up topics for conversations that I think are worth having.

What It Is

I received so much supportive feedback on yesterdays post!


It seems people are willing to grin and bear my lackluster writing skills as long as I attempt to offer up something of interest. I promise I will try to limit the run on sentences. Mostly through excessive use of commas but please just try to follow along.

My aim is social rather then scientific so I am reluctant to put too many parameters in place. I want to let the conversation go where it goes. The one thing I know is that I aim to avoid anything that looks or feels like material for an online dating profile.

Here is what I know will happen:

A New Perspective

Historically, I would not characterize myself as a writer or as a researcher or as a lot of things.

One night in early December, I was having trouble falling asleep as thoughts of my upcoming birthday ran through my head. The close of an incredibly eventful year was coming near, with the beginning of a new year right on its heels. My repeating thought was not about what has or has not happened over the last year. Rather, it was about why I am so focused on what I am not, what I do not have, and what I have not accomplished by this point in my life.

I have many great qualities. I have everything I need. I have accomplished many things.

This internal counseling session went on for a while, as you may have already imagined.

I turn 35 in a few weeks. This is exciting simply because I love celebrating birthdays. I love milestones and reflection and anticipating what the next year will bring. My life is not what I thought it would be when I was a teenager, planning my next 80 years down to the last nonsensical detail. (Why do we do that?) While it is not the cookie-cutter fairytale that I had anticipated, it has turned out to be a more substantial and fulfilling life than I was capable of envisioning at 16.

My oversimplified profile is: single/no kids/never married.

But, who am I, really?